








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 147 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,903 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2128 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2078 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 716 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 981 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $608,139 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 611 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BlaZe | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Chocman | 60% | 25 |
| #3 | Lord Nova | 54% | 57 |
| #4 | REIZZOR ✪ | 46% | 37 |
| #5 | ☁mitical☁ | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BlaZe | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Chocman | 60% | 25 |
| #3 | Lord Nova | 54% | 57 |
| #4 | REIZZOR ✪ | 46% | 37 |
| #5 | ☁mitical☁ | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Nova | 8 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | ☁mitical☁ | 8 | 0.0170 |
| #3 | REIZZOR ✪ | 6 | 0.0093 |
| #4 | BlaZe | 2 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | Chocman | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Nova | 271 | 0.35 | 7 min |
| #2 | REIZZOR ✪ | 154 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #3 | ☁mitical☁ | 134 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #4 | Chocman | 114 | 0.31 | 2 min |
| #5 | BlaZe | 35 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YiyoSW | +2.82 | 60 | 54 |
| #2 | BlaZe | +1.80 | 77 | 34 |
| #3 | REIZZOR ✪ | +0.94 | 72 | 68 |
| #4 | Lord Nova | +0.56 | 46 | 58 |
| #5 | ☁mitical☁ | -0.18 | 45 | 51 |





