








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
656 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,149 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 551 | 26% |
| Smokes | 436 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 662 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 500 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $80,609 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 666 | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | minepunk 2077 | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Khonshu | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | ɴɪᴋᴏ | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | R3habilitáció | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 666 | 4 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | minepunk 2077 | 4 | 0.0299 |
| #3 | R3habilitáció | 2 | 0.0169 |
| #4 | ɴɪᴋᴏ | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | send him to Dagestan | 1 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 666 | 124 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #2 | ɴɪᴋᴏ | 65 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | minepunk 2077 | 46 | 0.34 | 1 min |
| #4 | R3habilitáció | 26 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #5 | Khonshu | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |





