








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
385 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 975 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 242 | 25% |
| Smokes | 306 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 223 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 204 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $187,428 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lentävä jorlantilainen | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | HOTBOT | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | SMo0th | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | ForQ | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | Akuzzi | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Kappa the letter | 33% | 3 |
| #9 | XM Only | 33% | 3 |
| #10 | Veli Skutnum | 33% | 3 |
| #11 | Xpapuzi1 | 33% | 18 |
| #12 | loading | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HOTBOT | 4 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Akuzzi | 2 | 0.0139 |
| #3 | Xpapuzi1 | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Rikub0b | 1 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | SMo0th | 1 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HOTBOT | 52 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Akuzzi | 30 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #3 | Xpapuzi1 | 20 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Rikub0b | 20 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | loading | 18 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XM Only | +4.84 | 97 | 54 |
| #2 | Kappa the letter | +3.95 | 89 | 62 |
| #3 | HOTBOT | +2.17 | 66 | 53 |
| #4 | loading | +1.52 | 61 | 64 |
| #5 | SMo0th | +1.47 | 57 | 55 |





