








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,430 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 874 | 25% |
| Smokes | 779 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 974 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 803 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $417,656 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Colette | 13 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | Jens Gellert | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | DJ HEROIN | 4 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | Natirum-Chlorid-Mann | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | John Rambo | 3 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jens Gellert | 215 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Natirum-Chlorid-Mann | 196 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | Colette | 130 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | John Rambo | 62 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | DJ HEROIN | 29 | 0.05 | 0 min |





