








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
911 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,948 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 265 | 14% |
| Smokes | 337 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 630 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 716 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $271,390 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 872 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noobius (Pro Bottom Fragger) | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | canadian alcoholic | 77% | 13 |
| #3 | ChonkOfBorealValley | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | DJ Shitzky | 40% | 20 |
| #5 | Pizzaking_15 | 39% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | canadian alcoholic | 77% | 13 |
| #3 | ChonkOfBorealValley | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | DJ Shitzky | 40% | 20 |
| #5 | Pizzaking_15 | 39% | 38 |
| #6 | mg2 but plays like silver | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJ Shitzky | 15 | 0.0382 |
| #2 | Pizzaking_15 | 9 | 0.0121 |
| #3 | canadian alcoholic | 6 | 0.0228 |
| #4 | mg2 but plays like silver | 6 | 0.0343 |
| #5 | ChonkOfBorealValley | 3 | 0.0102 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | canadian alcoholic | 62 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #2 | DJ Shitzky | 57 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | Pizzaking_15 | 41 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | mg2 but plays like silver | 33 | 0.19 | 0 min |
| #5 | ChonkOfBorealValley | 17 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noobius (Pro Bottom Fragger) | +2.89 | 37 | 32 |
| #2 | canadian alcoholic | +2.56 | 67 | 53 |
| #3 | mg2 but plays like silver | +2.44 | 69 | 53 |
| #4 | Avg Balkan Man | +2.19 | 77 | 34 |
| #5 | DJ Shitzky | +0.29 | 59 | 48 |





