








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 874 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 348 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7565 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,819 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4150 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4069 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3439 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4161 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,894,016 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 941 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | joxxmordoff | 49 | 0.0143 |
| #2 | MarcoDaniel22 | 23 | 0.0192 |
| #3 | Dr. Freeman λ Hungria | 16 | 0.0143 |
| #4 | Mash | 15 | 0.0128 |
| #5 | Kerber85 | 6 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | joxxmordoff | 329 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Kerber85 | 228 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Mash | 145 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dr. Freeman λ Hungria | 117 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | MarcoDaniel22 | 104 | 0.09 | 1 min |





