










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
336 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 812 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 164 | 20% |
| Smokes | 206 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 212 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 230 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $73,184 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | utopia | 2 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | c0ldhurt | 1 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | Jammie | 1 | 0.0087 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | utopia | 23 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | c0ldhurt | 20 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | Jammie | 20 | 0.17 | 0 min |
| #4 | k175un4 | 13 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| #5 | sadsad | 12 | 0.16 | 0 min |





