








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 206 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2122 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,538 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2527 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2944 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1555 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2512 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $514,812 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumi Joe | 64% | 25 |
| #2 | Papi Chulo | 64% | 44 |
| #3 | Salty | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | kuranbry | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumi Joe | 64% | 25 |
| #2 | Papi Chulo | 64% | 44 |
| #3 | Salty | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | kuranbry | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Papi Chulo | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Salty | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumi Joe | 160 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #2 | Papi Chulo | 141 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Salty | 89 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | kuranbry | 54 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salty | +1.78 | 59 | 71 |
| #2 | kuranbry | +1.06 | 86 | 70 |
| #3 | Papi Chulo | -0.41 | 62 | 56 |
| #4 | kolby brian | -0.54 | 45 | 66 |
| #5 | Mumi Joe | -0.75 | 56 | 69 |





