








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
496 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 586 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 139 | 24% |
| Smokes | 123 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 136 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 188 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $185,023 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coochie.Sniffer | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | GODmaine | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | BongSchlong | 47% | 19 |
| #4 | Jimar demon | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | Jelkaholic | 37% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coochie.Sniffer | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | GODmaine | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | BongSchlong | 47% | 19 |
| #4 | Jimar demon | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | Jelkaholic | 37% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GODmaine | 7 | 0.0281 |
| #2 | Jelkaholic | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | BongSchlong | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Coochie.Sniffer | 1 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jelkaholic | 264 | 0.33 | 6 min |
| #2 | BongSchlong | 60 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | GODmaine | 25 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Coochie.Sniffer | 8 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jimar demon | 4 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GODmaine | +2.65 | 70 | 55 |
| #2 | Jelkaholic | +1.66 | 67 | 54 |
| #3 | BongSchlong | +1.25 | 65 | 58 |
| #4 | Coochie.Sniffer | -1.41 | 72 | 44 |
| #5 | smokey | -1.60 | 54 | 17 |





