








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1324 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 680 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4843 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,197 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 408 | 19% |
| Smokes | 916 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 352 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 521 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $689,525 of utility $37 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3619 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





