








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 629 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 331 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2806 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,546 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1205 | 13% |
| Smokes | 2606 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2618 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3117 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,240,113 of utility $246 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oofy Doofy | 45% | 22 |
| #2 | Nick | 44% | 61 |
| #3 | Entry Death | 42% | 43 |
| #4 | rlaV | 29% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oofy Doofy | 45% | 22 |
| #2 | Nick | 44% | 61 |
| #3 | Entry Death | 42% | 43 |
| #4 | rlaV | 29% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nick | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Entry Death | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | rlaV | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Oofy Doofy | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nick | 298 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #2 | Entry Death | 188 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | rlaV | 133 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Oofy Doofy | 59 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nick | +4.45 | 62 | 63 |
| #2 | rlaV | +4.01 | 73 | 67 |
| #3 | polar bear | -0.88 | 31 | 42 |
| #4 | Entry Death | -1.98 | 33 | 62 |
| #5 | Oofy Doofy | -2.32 | 34 | 57 |





