








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 209 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Wingman | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2397 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,906 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3119 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1304 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 2912 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1571 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $570,088 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 299 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | herburtus | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | me no speak London | 52% | 44 |
| #3 | m0nkey スピーディー | 48% | 31 |
| #4 | why my brain cells are negative | 45% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | herburtus | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | me no speak London | 52% | 44 |
| #3 | m0nkey スピーディー | 48% | 31 |
| #4 | why my brain cells are negative | 45% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0nkey スピーディー | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | me no speak London | 4 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | why my brain cells are negative | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | herburtus | 56 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | why my brain cells are negative | 47 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | me no speak London | 45 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | m0nkey スピーディー | 33 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | me no speak London | +2.72 | 74 | 45 |
| #2 | why my brain cells are negative | +2.19 | 78 | 53 |
| #3 | herburtus | +0.24 | 64 | 62 |
| #4 | iNeed2p | -0.81 | 67 | 59 |
| #5 | m0nkey スピーディー | -3.28 | 44 | 43 |





