








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 235 matches | ||
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3646 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,686 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5416 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4104 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3240 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 3926 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,023,718 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xana | 70% | 46 |
| #2 | WRLG | 61% | 88 |
| #3 | shurb | 59% | 29 |
| #4 | JLB | 59% | 29 |
| #5 | a idiot | 57% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xana | 9 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | a idiot | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | swan | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | WRLG | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | shurb | 2 | 0.0030 |





