








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 164 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 336 matches | ||
| Wingman | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6001 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,911 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5449 | 34% |
| Smokes | 5730 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1656 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 3076 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $508,581 of utility $37 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 341 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zachel | 72% | 47 |
| #2 | BearJew | 61% | 127 |
| #3 | sleepji^ | 57% | 143 |
| #4 | Jamm | 57% | 375 |
| #5 | Juice | 54% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | sleepji^ | 57% | 143 |
| #4 | Jamm | 57% | 375 |
| #5 | Juice | 54% | 83 |
| #6 | Jay UU | 51% | 81 |
| #7 | androidquinn | 49% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jamm | 14 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Juice | 9 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Jay UU | 9 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | sleepji^ | 8 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | BearJew | 6 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jamm | 859 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #2 | BearJew | 393 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #3 | sleepji^ | 377 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | Juice | 142 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | androidquinn | 137 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zachel | +3.57 | 78 | 60 |
| #2 | tinhead | +3.29 | 67 | 48 |
| #3 | BearJew | +1.45 | 60 | 64 |
| #4 | sleepji^ | +1.23 | 76 | 56 |
| #5 | Jamm | -0.35 | 59 | 55 |





