








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 558 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 336 matches | ||
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4836 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,883 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4382 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4481 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2119 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2901 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,809,023 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 594 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Moneyboy | 58% | 31 |
| #5 | eSaaR| Lotus | 49% | 75 |
| #6 | eSaaR| sh1ro | 45% | 47 |
| #7 | cody2k | 36% | 47 |
| #8 | eSaaR| Oskar | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eSaaR| Lotus | 182 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | cody2k | 169 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | MEE. | 144 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | eSaaR| sh1ro | 124 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | Moneyboy | 119 | 0.17 | 3 min |





