








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1893 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 337 | 7% |
| Smokes | 1269 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1722 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1420 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $702,922 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 108 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KraXas | 49% | 187 |
| #2 | byshortii | 46% | 194 |
| #3 | DeutscheTugend | 46% | 195 |
| #4 | B.Eng. Odin Jens der Hodenhengst | 43% | 93 |
| #5 | Scholle112 | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeutscheTugend | 13 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | byshortii | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | KraXas | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | B.Eng. Odin Jens der Hodenhengst | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeutscheTugend | 967 | 0.23 | 22 min |
| #2 | byshortii | 343 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | KraXas | 199 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | B.Eng. Odin Jens der Hodenhengst | 65 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Scholle112 | 25 | 0.07 | 0 min |





