








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 962 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 663 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 89 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6910 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,722 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1855 | 13% |
| Smokes | 4507 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4083 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4277 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,906,899 of utility $276 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 635 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DirtyDennis | 51% | 55 |
| #2 | jensiii23 | 49% | 67 |
| #3 | Cargonaut | 48% | 63 |
| #4 | neantix | 46% | 46 |
| #5 | ༒Schr3diii༒ | 45% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DirtyDennis | 51% | 55 |
| #2 | jensiii23 | 49% | 67 |
| #3 | Cargonaut | 48% | 63 |
| #4 | neantix | 46% | 46 |
| #5 | ༒Schr3diii༒ | 45% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jensiii23 | 7 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | DirtyDennis | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | ༒Schr3diii༒ | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Cargonaut | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | neantix | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jensiii23 | 142 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | ༒Schr3diii༒ | 133 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cargonaut | 84 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | neantix | 53 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | DirtyDennis | 27 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cargonaut | +3.44 | 86 | 66 |
| #2 | DirtyDennis | +3.32 | 86 | 30 |
| #3 | ༒Schr3diii༒ | +1.26 | 73 | 63 |
| #4 | jensiii23 | -0.57 | 53 | 45 |
| #5 | Kyrox | -1.07 | 58 | 44 |





