








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
307 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,503 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 209 | 14% |
| Smokes | 399 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 623 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 272 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $150,874 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caeszaar | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | dog | 50% | 20 |
| #3 | Commander4 | 44% | 18 |
| #4 | Hear Me Out | 43% | 44 |
| #5 | Zashaw | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | dog | 50% | 20 |
| #3 | Commander4 | 44% | 18 |
| #4 | Hear Me Out | 43% | 44 |
| #5 | Zashaw | 40% | 5 |
| #6 | MeXi 💥 | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hear Me Out | 8 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | dog | 4 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | MeXi 💥 | 3 | 0.0129 |
| #4 | Zashaw | 1 | 0.0103 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hear Me Out | 101 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | dog | 92 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #3 | Commander4 | 49 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | MeXi 💥 | 22 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Caeszaar | 13 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dog | +4.80 | 70 | 60 |
| #2 | MeXi 💥 | +2.56 | 82 | 44 |
| #3 | Hear Me Out | +1.77 | 76 | 64 |
| #4 | Caeszaar | +0.94 | 59 | 39 |
| #5 | Commander4 | +0.74 | 61 | 60 |





