








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 372 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 450 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5227 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,846 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 748 | 8% |
| Smokes | 1309 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 6480 | 73% |
| Molotovs | 309 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,627,021 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 390 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meow Zedong | 58% | 66 |
| #2 | SpectralOwl | 56% | 114 |
| #3 | I killed reptar before its nbd | 56% | 61 |
| #4 | Nicki Mirage | 54% | 87 |
| #5 | Wires | 46% | 178 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wockesha | 23 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Slime | 13 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | Wires | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Ashtuah | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | I killed reptar before its nbd | 4 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wockesha | 676 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #2 | SpectralOwl | 108 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | Nicki Mirage | 107 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | EPiD | 80 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Slime | 78 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EPiD | +4.09 | 76 | 41 |
| #2 | I killed reptar before its nbd | +2.42 | 73 | 49 |
| #3 | Meow Zedong | +1.53 | 85 | 45 |
| #4 | Nicki Mirage | +1.51 | 77 | 48 |
| #5 | SpectralOwl | +1.06 | 54 | 52 |





