








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 266 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




96 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1551 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,401 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 184 | 8% |
| Smokes | 488 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 827 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 902 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $405,251 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 401 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Tixium | 43% | 28 |
| #7 | Chill Man丩己𝟬 𝕄𝓪ӻIA | 36% | 47 |
| #8 | Nuclear | 30% | 43 |
| #9 | vahk | 27% | 22 |
| #10 | the Emperor | 9% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nuclear | 35 | 0.0431 |
| #2 | Tixium | 14 | 0.0265 |
| #3 | Dave Mustaine | 11 | 0.0082 |
| #4 | Zombie | 11 | 0.0104 |
| #5 | flunt | 8 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dave Mustaine | 190 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | flunt | 59 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | Nuclear | 32 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | the Emperor | 26 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | vahk | 21 | 0.05 | 1 min |





