








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1698 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,850 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2346 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3039 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1876 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1589 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $605,652 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ノーベル skinjuicer.com | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Patriot893 | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | famu | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Lawrence | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Tsuckey | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TaRa | 426 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #2 | M | 215 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #3 | Lawrence | 159 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | ◢◤◢◤Haw9taN◢◤◢◤ | 96 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | Patriot893 | 80 | 0.10 | 2 min |





