








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 303 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2337 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,590 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 832 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1240 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 619 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 899 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $28,463 of utility $3 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ksuoyi | 50% | 26 |
| #2 | alexwari0r | 42% | 65 |
| #3 | madeleine la mondaine | 41% | 78 |
| #4 | Pipolist | 39% | 72 |
| #5 | PtitDino | 21% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ksuoyi | 50% | 26 |
| #2 | alexwari0r | 42% | 65 |
| #3 | madeleine la mondaine | 41% | 78 |
| #4 | Pipolist | 39% | 72 |
| #5 | PtitDino | 21% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pipolist | 21 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | madeleine la mondaine | 11 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | PtitDino | 9 | 0.0153 |
| #4 | Ksuoyi | 8 | 0.0148 |
| #5 | alexwari0r | 5 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pipolist | 159 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | Ksuoyi | 82 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | alexwari0r | 81 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | madeleine la mondaine | 58 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | PtitDino | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ksuoyi | +8.71 | 80 | 46 |
| #2 | PtitDino | +1.02 | 41 | 52 |
| #3 | madeleine la mondaine | +0.77 | 22 | 20 |
| #4 | Pipolist | -0.95 | 19 | 49 |
| #5 | catse | -1.39 | 25 | 25 |





