








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1282 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 922 matches | ||
| Faceit | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 114 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




75 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9623 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,514 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7951 | 29% |
| Smokes | 8552 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 6169 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4842 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,106,386 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 906 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Scooby Jew | 48% | 216 |
| #4 | ROB | 48% | 69 |
| #5 | Joethebobman | 47% | 92 |
| #6 | El Cheeserino | 47% | 88 |
| #7 | Atlas | 43% | 157 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ROB | 9 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Monster | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Scooby Jew | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | El Cheeserino | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Atlas | 3 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Cheeserino | 222 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | ROB | 197 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Scooby Jew | 145 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | Atlas | 131 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Monster | 102 | 0.08 | 2 min |





