








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,330 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1695 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1556 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 835 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 244 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $444,051 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShlamueL | 58% | 74 |
| #2 | ballzach | 55% | 170 |
| #3 | vintagepickle69 | 54% | 101 |
| #4 | CAMeRON | 48% | 23 |
| #5 | howiefeltersnatch | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ballzach | 55% | 170 |
| #3 | vintagepickle69 | 54% | 101 |
| #4 | CAMeRON | 48% | 23 |
| #5 | howiefeltersnatch | 46% | 24 |
| #6 | ben | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ballzach | 10 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | ShlamueL | 9 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | vintagepickle69 | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | howiefeltersnatch | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ballzach | 546 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | vintagepickle69 | 170 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | ShlamueL | 83 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | CAMeRON | 65 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | howiefeltersnatch | 38 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CAMeRON | +3.67 | 73 | 52 |
| #2 | bwill | +1.52 | 50 | 47 |
| #3 | ben | +1.50 | 58 | 43 |
| #4 | ballzach | +1.06 | 59 | 52 |
| #5 | vintagepickle69 | +0.41 | 42 | 51 |





