








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 532 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 50 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3754 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,707 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2892 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2888 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1343 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2584 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,522,820 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 256 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Animal Person David Goggins | 63% | 147 |
| #5 | yes | 63% | 24 |
| #6 | Jam; Kell of Toast | 53% | 57 |
| #7 | NikoAngel | 52% | 52 |
| #8 | Spitz | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Animal Person David Goggins | 22 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | [franzer] proto shark | 21 | 0.0188 |
| #3 | bregg | 12 | 0.0085 |
| #4 | yes | 8 | 0.0174 |
| #5 | Jam; Kell of Toast | 5 | 0.0048 |





