








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1538 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,397 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1085 | 32% |
| Smokes | 698 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 805 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 809 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $450,876 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | o-('_'Q) ~~ bourbon k1d | 64% | 22 |
| #4 | Bagira | 57% | 23 |
| #5 | Sh3lbourne | 53% | 78 |
| #6 | D4VID0 | 43% | 7 |
| #7 | m0rtal | 39% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D4VID0 | 3 | 0.0208 |
| #2 | Sh3lbourne | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | m0rtal | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | o-('_'Q) ~~ bourbon k1d | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Mitzi5000 | 1 | 0.0075 |





