








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 280 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2224 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,266 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 960 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2251 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 817 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1238 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $761,488 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 588 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ Q_without_a_U ♿ | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | dezo | 53% | 110 |
| #3 | sick cunt | 49% | 142 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ Q_without_a_U ♿ | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | dezo | 53% | 110 |
| #3 | sick cunt | 49% | 142 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dezo | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | ♿ Q_without_a_U ♿ | 3 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | sick cunt | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sick cunt | 228 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | dezo | 212 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | ♿ Q_without_a_U ♿ | 31 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dezo | +1.64 | 72 | 66 |
| #2 | Y1kes | +0.86 | 77 | 52 |
| #3 | ♿ Q_without_a_U ♿ | +0.08 | 59 | 51 |
| #4 | sick cunt | -0.22 | 82 | 47 |





