










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
695 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 290 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 104 | 36% |
| Smokes | 13 | 4% |
| HE Grenades | 160 | 55% |
| Molotovs | 13 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $123,198 of utility $35 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





