








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1081 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 262 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Esplay | 9 matches | 1,960 | |
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 91 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




81 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3966 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,789 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4238 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3275 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4840 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 3436 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,170,591 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 868 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Troxy | 56% | 25 |
| #2 | Boobigi | 55% | 22 |
| #3 | Nutorious Igga | 51% | 59 |
| #4 | Sture-Stig | 47% | 116 |
| #5 | Adolf Rizzler | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Troxy | 56% | 25 |
| #2 | Boobigi | 55% | 22 |
| #3 | Nutorious Igga | 51% | 59 |
| #4 | Sture-Stig | 47% | 116 |
| #5 | Adolf Rizzler | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sture-Stig | 11 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Nutorious Igga | 10 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | Troxy | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Adolf Rizzler | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Boobigi | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sture-Stig | 450 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | Nutorious Igga | 131 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Troxy | 82 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Adolf Rizzler | 67 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Boobigi | 14 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TroopΞr | +2.03 | 80 | 66 |
| #2 | Sture-Stig | +1.58 | 70 | 74 |
| #3 | Troxy | +1.47 | 83 | 67 |
| #4 | Nutorious Igga | +0.12 | 62 | 66 |
| #5 | Adolf Rizzler | -1.13 | 81 | 61 |





