








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 218 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Faceit | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3674 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,752 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5144 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3281 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3060 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3267 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $968,613 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 334 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OncleJaws | 60% | 48 |
| #2 | BiZ*(k) | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | Choctarte | 52% | 23 |
| #4 | G1r4f3 | 50% | 26 |
| #5 | Mizrekt- | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Mizrekt- | 46% | 28 |
| #6 | 0z | 46% | 69 |
| #7 | blow my mind not my cock please | 45% | 120 |
| #8 | PanPan!☆ | 44% | 27 |
| #9 | Spark0 | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blow my mind not my cock please | 20 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | 0z | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Spark0 | 3 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | PanPan!☆ | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blow my mind not my cock please | 348 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #2 | 0z | 182 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | BiZ*(k) | 139 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Mizrekt- | 121 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | PanPan!☆ | 69 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blow my mind not my cock please | +3.13 | 76 | 68 |
| #2 | BiZ*(k) | +2.20 | 86 | 69 |
| #3 | Spark0 | +2.18 | 76 | 63 |
| #4 | OncleJaws | +1.87 | 87 | 64 |
| #5 | G1r4f3 | +0.30 | 66 | 59 |





