








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 538 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 520 matches | ||
| Wingman | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4787 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,157 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4103 | 19% |
| Smokes | 7454 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 6755 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2845 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,524,424 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 250 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NOHIDENFROMBIDEN | 59% | 63 |
| #2 | Messor | 52% | 67 |
| #3 | Orenthal Simpson | 49% | 57 |
| #4 | Brother Ban | 48% | 67 |
| #5 | Bully Maguire | 45% | 355 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Orenthal Simpson | 49% | 57 |
| #4 | Brother Ban | 48% | 67 |
| #5 | Bully Maguire | 45% | 355 |
| #6 | Sleve McDichael - Tony Bonzalez | 43% | 312 |
| #7 | ChubbsTheDog | 38% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleve McDichael - Tony Bonzalez | 65 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | Bully Maguire | 33 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | NOHIDENFROMBIDEN | 15 | 0.0118 |
| #4 | ChubbsTheDog | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Messor | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleve McDichael - Tony Bonzalez | 1591 | 0.24 | 32 min |
| #2 | Bully Maguire | 794 | 0.10 | 24 min |
| #3 | NOHIDENFROMBIDEN | 227 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | Messor | 153 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | ChubbsTheDog | 121 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NOHIDENFROMBIDEN | +2.82 | 79 | 53 |
| #2 | ChubbsTheDog | +2.43 | 68 | 51 |
| #3 | Orenthal Simpson | +1.78 | 51 | 45 |
| #4 | Bully Maguire | +1.69 | 59 | 62 |
| #5 | Koolaid | -0.39 | 35 | 57 |





