








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1536 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 144 matches | ||
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 109 matches | ||
| Wingman | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 94 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




174 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6696 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,827 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7591 | 33% |
| Smokes | 6058 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5708 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3470 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,400,190 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tone | 54% | 125 |
| #2 | Bad | 53% | 171 |
| #3 | Aquafina™ (Fresh Squeezed) | 52% | 178 |
| #4 | beesechurger | 51% | 151 |
| #5 | Yuri Tarded | 49% | 192 |





