








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 356 matches | ||
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4345 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,828 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4999 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3976 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2782 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4071 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,645,985 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 461 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cagey | 56% | 27 |
| #2 | squiggy | 52% | 63 |
| #3 | goblins are real | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | Daybreak | 51% | 83 |
| #5 | Lord Nelson | 50% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Bombur | 46% | 35 |
| #11 | CraMdeN | 45% | 119 |
| #12 | JordanWhattt | 38% | 29 |
| #13 | Moopz | 36% | 25 |
| #14 | holycow | 33% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holycow | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Bobbie | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | CraMdeN | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Lord Nelson | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Daybreak | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Nelson | 370 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | Daybreak | 355 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #3 | CraMdeN | 348 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | squiggy | 277 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #5 | El Hombre De Ningun Lugar | 263 | 0.30 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Hombre De Ningun Lugar | +3.43 | 77 | 77 |
| #2 | Bobbie | +1.55 | 85 | 42 |
| #3 | holycow | +0.82 | 58 | 66 |
| #4 | CraMdeN | +0.80 | 67 | 62 |
| #5 | goblins are real | +0.25 | 60 | 48 |





