








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
187 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 251 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 85 | 34% |
| Smokes | 36 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 110 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 20 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $50,948 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jean Kevin | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Kurumiiii_ | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | ☠ VDC۞๑₥Ɇ₴ | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | ☠ cooky | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jean Kevin | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Kurumiiii_ | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | ☠ VDC۞๑₥Ɇ₴ | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | ☠ cooky | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☠ VDC۞๑₥Ɇ₴ | 8 | 0.0295 |
| #2 | ☠ cooky | 3 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | Kurumiiii_ | 3 | 0.0124 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☠ cooky | 59 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #2 | Kurumiiii_ | 57 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #3 | ☠ VDC۞๑₥Ɇ₴ | 39 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jean Kevin | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☠ VDC۞๑₥Ɇ₴ | +4.88 | 64 | 62 |
| #2 | Jean Kevin | +0.59 | 15 | 6 |
| #3 | ☠ cooky | +0.49 | 58 | 43 |
| #4 | Kurumiiii_ | -0.25 | 33 | 44 |
| #5 | Manchot Empereur | -0.42 | 61 | 37 |





