








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 232 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 207 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2978 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,147 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2664 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2082 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1810 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2591 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $758,019 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der gestiefelte Köter | 56% | 48 |
| #2 | Double chunk chocolate cookie | 50% | 20 |
| #3 | Lemon Popperz | 43% | 37 |
| #4 | Doktor Kinderschand | 42% | 53 |
| #5 | VicoGHG | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Lemon Popperz | 43% | 37 |
| #4 | Doktor Kinderschand | 42% | 53 |
| #5 | VicoGHG | 39% | 23 |
| #6 | Jamal | 33% | 33 |
| #7 | Bananiklo | 31% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doktor Kinderschand | 13 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | Lemon Popperz | 8 | 0.0108 |
| #3 | Bananiklo | 7 | 0.0102 |
| #4 | Der gestiefelte Köter | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Jamal | 4 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bananiklo | 147 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #2 | Doktor Kinderschand | 145 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Jamal | 109 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Der gestiefelte Köter | 66 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Double chunk chocolate cookie | 43 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lemon Popperz | +1.98 | 62 | 40 |
| #2 | Bananiklo | +1.46 | 68 | 58 |
| #3 | bong abuser | +0.94 | 74 | 58 |
| #4 | Double chunk chocolate cookie | -0.35 | 42 | 47 |
| #5 | Der gestiefelte Köter | -2.05 | 39 | 46 |





