








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 788 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 567 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6043 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,137 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9106 | 34% |
| Smokes | 8278 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2460 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 7293 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,995,920 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 798 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | r0n1n | 54% | 170 |
| #6 | illuminati | 52% | 182 |
| #7 | ⊿◤ K!LLB!LL™⊿◤ | 52% | 205 |
| #8 | ✪︎ Bᴇᴏᴡᴜʟғ | 50% | 292 |
| #9 | Rocky Kalashnikov ︻ — | 45% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | r0n1n | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | ⊿◤ K!LLB!LL™⊿◤ | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | rAnDoMsHoTs: FL!CkMeiStEr | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | ✪︎ Bᴇᴏᴡᴜʟғ | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | illuminati | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⊿◤ K!LLB!LL™⊿◤ | 1000 | 0.23 | 27 min |
| #2 | ✪︎ Bᴇᴏᴡᴜʟғ | 732 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #3 | ⡷⠂𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚂𝙷𝙰𝙻⠐⢾ | 538 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #4 | r0n1n | 435 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #5 | illuminati | 284 | 0.08 | 8 min |





