








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 62 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1239 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,430 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1459 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1293 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 720 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 958 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $185,184 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FroZen | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | do-jo | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Captain Zur See | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Verdekto | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Navex.cs | 1 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | do-jo | 205 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | Verdekto | 92 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #3 | FroZen | 86 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Captain Zur See | 59 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Navex.cs | 33 | 0.13 | 1 min |





