








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 44 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 95 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1157 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,900 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1556 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1931 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 996 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1417 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $338,328 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hachiman | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Doctor Long Bien | 61% | 38 |
| #3 | Kim Nal Do - Korea's Hero | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | 1se4oF | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | Chandee | 47% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chandee | 6 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Hikaru | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Yesterday | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Someday played too much albion | 2 | 0.0083 |
| #5 | Doctor Long Bien | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yesterday | 160 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Doctor Long Bien | 110 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | ViNmmm | 106 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chandee | 83 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Br0L1ghT | 80 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hachiman | +3.50 | 67 | 58 |
| #2 | 1se4oF | +3.14 | 71 | 69 |
| #3 | Br0L1ghT | +2.94 | 75 | 69 |
| #4 | Someday played too much albion | +1.78 | 55 | 56 |
| #5 | Chandee | +1.33 | 58 | 45 |





