








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 490 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 222 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3714 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,515 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2399 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2279 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2391 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2446 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $785,517 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 221 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GATES OF OLYMPUS | 54% | 24 |
| #2 | Nakkem® | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | iSinanymous | 48% | 40 |
| #4 | Kobe! | 37% | 27 |
| #5 | zwizu. | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | iSinanymous | 48% | 40 |
| #4 | Kobe! | 37% | 27 |
| #5 | zwizu. | 37% | 30 |
| #6 | y4k ;; lucky doG | 33% | 18 |
| #7 | mr. jizz | 29% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GATES OF OLYMPUS | 3 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | mr. jizz | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | iSinanymous | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iSinanymous | 261 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #2 | Nakkem® | 60 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Kobe! | 37 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | y4k ;; lucky doG | 27 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | mr. jizz | 10 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zwizu. | +1.38 | 76 | 21 |
| #2 | iSinanymous | +1.12 | 58 | 82 |
| #3 | Kobe! | +0.38 | 69 | 55 |
| #4 | JSSB | +0.20 | 61 | 52 |
| #5 | Nakkem® | -0.82 | 58 | 77 |





