








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 207 matches | ||
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3985 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,565 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2824 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1734 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2185 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1822 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $777,139 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3900 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | S⬆️LADDER | 46% | 83 |
| #5 | DEZTROY | 46% | 149 |
| #6 | Eppsy (Chill guy) | 45% | 195 |
| #7 | Joe Roganovic | 44% | 97 |
| #8 | Darwin Nunez | 37% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DEZTROY | 51 | 0.0169 |
| #2 | Eppsy (Chill guy) | 23 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | S⬆️LADDER | 12 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | McShagger™ | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | TSPOON | 5 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSPOON | 550 | 0.40 | 12 min |
| #2 | DEZTROY | 372 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | McShagger™ | 187 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Joe Roganovic | 186 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | Eppsy (Chill guy) | 169 | 0.04 | 3 min |





