








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




72 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1331 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,441 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1742 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1178 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 909 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 612 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $495,115 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2865 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elo Thief | 58% | 38 |
| #2 | Helen Keller VS Traffic | 41% | 106 |
| #3 | Curious George! | 38% | 13 |
| #4 | Devin | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elo Thief | 58% | 38 |
| #2 | Helen Keller VS Traffic | 41% | 106 |
| #3 | Curious George! | 38% | 13 |
| #4 | Devin | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helen Keller VS Traffic | 24 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Curious George! | 5 | 0.0203 |
| #3 | Elo Thief | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Devin | 3 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elo Thief | 93 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Helen Keller VS Traffic | 36 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | Curious George! | 19 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | Devin | 15 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elo Thief | +5.12 | 81 | 49 |
| #2 | Devin | +4.39 | 72 | 26 |
| #3 | Helen Keller VS Traffic | +0.42 | 61 | 32 |
| #4 | Borplex | -0.17 | 37 | 43 |
| #5 | Curious George! | -4.08 | 9 | 9 |





