








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 212 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1258 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,661 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 549 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1989 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 1209 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 914 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $188,650 of utility $33 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Dan | 46% | 50 |
| #4 | Poo Peter | 41% | 222 |
| #5 | iambengal | 41% | 54 |
| #6 | gavind | 40% | 167 |
| #7 | msck | 38% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Poo Peter | 78 | 0.0183 |
| #2 | gavind | 60 | 0.0184 |
| #3 | iambengal | 26 | 0.0250 |
| #4 | msck | 21 | 0.0172 |
| #5 | Dan | 11 | 0.0119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Poo Peter | 215 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #2 | msck | 146 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | gavind | 138 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | iambengal | 58 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Wise Mystical Tree | 42 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wise Mystical Tree | +10.51 | 68 | 44 |
| #2 | iambengal | +1.87 | 39 | 18 |
| #3 | msck | +1.50 | 39 | 44 |
| #4 | gavind | +1.23 | 40 | 23 |
| #5 | ALLCAPSJEFF | -0.84 | 38 | 22 |





