








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2772 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,079 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 835 | 27% |
| Smokes | 915 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 699 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 630 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $669,830 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | JONALD | 45% | 84 |
| #8 | Jon's Jon Jon (Jonny Jon Jon) | 43% | 14 |
| #9 | zir0nic | 42% | 45 |
| #10 | gangstathug | 41% | 17 |
| #11 | NBA Lawnmower | 36% | 25 |





