








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1080 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,738 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 412 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1137 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 667 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 522 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $475,718 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | NuQleon | 47% | 19 |
| #6 | NuQleon | 44% | 125 |
| #7 | Umad? | 42% | 19 |
| #8 | PolishMeJaja | 40% | 84 |
| #9 | KapeMajster | 40% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NuQleon | 218 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | PolishMeJaja | 194 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | KapeMajster | 134 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | Ja od niemca | 49 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | NuQleon | 45 | 0.11 | 1 min |





