








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
574 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,024 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 451 | 22% |
| Smokes | 971 | 48% |
| HE Grenades | 263 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 339 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $192,045 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Braxel | 44% | 43 |
| #5 | daddy | 41% | 44 |
| #6 | Aleksis B | 32% | 31 |
| #7 | Hirvi | 31% | 42 |
| #8 | Fränk | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braxel | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Fränk | 2 | 0.0101 |
| #3 | daddy | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Hirvi | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | zet | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zet | 81 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | daddy | 54 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Hirvi | 54 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Braxel | 44 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lumen | 16 | 0.14 | 0 min |





