










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 415 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 341 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1319 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,430 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 186 | 3% |
| Smokes | 1981 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1341 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1922 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,649,233 of utility $314 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 603 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | NOT Noodles | 35% | 57 |
| #5 | ChillinJay | 30% | 33 |
| #6 | Vladimir | 22% | 49 |
| #7 | Meow Bitch | 19% | 53 |
| #8 | cheese | 17% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NOT Noodles | 27 | 0.0223 |
| #2 | Vladimir | 26 | 0.0261 |
| #3 | Meow Bitch | 19 | 0.0180 |
| #4 | cheese | 3 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Headshots Inc. | 3 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andexalate | 100 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | NOT Noodles | 45 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #3 | Meow Bitch | 32 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Headshots Inc. | 20 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | cheese | 15 | 0.03 | 0 min |





