








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3466 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,665 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1784 | 15% |
| Smokes | 4126 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 3104 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2651 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $610,580 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 246 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | shex | 53% | 99 |
| #6 | griffey | 51% | 47 |
| #7 | anc | 49% | 91 |
| #8 | not that guy | 43% | 23 |
| #9 | dunny | 39% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shex | 23 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR | 18 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | anc | 11 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | dunny | 7 | 0.0110 |
| #5 | griffey | 2 | 0.0019 |





