








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2670 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4736 | 42% |
| Smokes | 2835 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1815 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1837 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $293,479 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 101 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Harry | 100% | 12 |
| #2 | King Spyder | 77% | 13 |
| #3 | Taylor | 73% | 11 |
| #4 | brady | 62% | 29 |
| #5 | elqu | 62% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Dyl. | 49% | 37 |
| #13 | gugita | 48% | 25 |
| #14 | Leorix | 45% | 44 |
| #15 | e0x#6Lv%w | 40% | 15 |
| #16 | TaintNugs | 38% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stuart2k | 8 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | High, I'm Hi | 6 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | hem | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Dyl. | 5 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Leorix | 3 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | High, I'm Hi | 298 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #2 | hem | 251 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | TaintNugs | 158 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Stuart2k | 146 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | brady | 140 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Harry | +3.18 | 72 | 30 |
| #2 | Taylor | +3.17 | 68 | 64 |
| #3 | jefe | +2.89 | 79 | 81 |
| #4 | King Spyder | +1.79 | 74 | 40 |
| #5 | Fluke | +1.26 | 86 | 40 |





