








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
714 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,318 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 501 | 22% |
| Smokes | 686 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 529 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 602 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $302,054 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | WHIRLY DIRLY | 45% | 11 |
| #5 | aw | 45% | 33 |
| #6 | chosen one | 43% | 7 |
| #7 | t. | 35% | 17 |
| #8 | budi in da house | 0% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aw | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | WHIRLY DIRLY | 1 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | chosen one | 1 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Uncircumcised Gamer | 1 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aw | 71 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | t. | 57 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | WHIRLY DIRLY | 19 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #4 | chosen one | 16 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | Uncircumcised Gamer | 7 | 0.06 | 0 min |





