








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 118 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1029 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,446 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1997 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1294 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1711 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1444 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $340,325 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 727 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TUBBY TOAST | 52% | 52 |
| #2 | TimikusT | 51% | 55 |
| #3 | JÄJÄ the car rental guy | 50% | 24 |
| #4 | Larry | 50% | 62 |
| #5 | H4CK3R MAN | 46% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larry | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Mini Sausage Larry | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | TimikusT | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | JÄJÄ the car rental guy | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | GetErektXD | 2 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larry | 178 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | TimikusT | 112 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Mini Sausage Larry | 99 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | H4CK3R MAN | 74 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | TUBBY TOAST | 66 | 0.06 | 1 min |





